Friday, October 21, 2011

DEALING WITH TEENAGERS




Sibling Rivalry....

Sibling rivalry occurs when a


brothers and sisters fight with each other and don't get along well. Often there is a certain amount of problems that arise


out of one sibling being older that the other and being able to do more than the younger. Sibling rivalry is a normal part of any kid or teens life.

The word rivalry involves the idea of a competition - and that is what most sibling rivalry is - a competition between the two siblings for their parents or others attention.



What's Sibling Rivalry?

Sibling rivalry can be a good thing. Competition is a healthy thing in anyone's lives and rivalry is common amongst siblings. Everyone experiences feelings of rivalry and competition. Often rivalry involves arguing. Everyone argues - adults and children, husbands and wives and even friends. It is important for you to remember that although you may argue with your brother or sister you still need to be fair and supportive to them.


Siblings fight for a number of reasons.

* They fight because they want a parent's attention, and the parent has only so much time, attention and patience to give.

* They fight because they are jealous: "He got a new bike. I didn't. They must love him more than they love me."

* They fight over ordinary teasing which is a way of testing the effects of behavior and words on another person: "He called me..." "But she called me...first."

* They fight because they are growing up in a competitive society that teaches them that to win is to be better: "I saw it first." "I beat you to the water."

Thursday, October 20, 2011

DEALING WITH FRUSTRATION






The emotion of frustration is a mixture of painful feelings. Some of the accompanying emotions are feeling irritated, even anger, weariness, upset, and unhappiness. When you feel extremely frustrated, your judgment will get distorted. You might lose interest, become critical, or give up and stop taking further action. You might also cover up your dissatisfaction by diverting it through different channels like overeating, binge drinking or any other activities that will replace the frustrating feeling.

Causes of the Emotion of Frustration

  1. When you don't feel satisfied with the result from your efforts.


  2. When you feel letdown.


  3. When someone or something thwarts your plan.


  4. When you feel unappreciated.


  5. If you are living in denial.


  6. When your needs are not met.


  7. From cumulative and mounting challenges.

Dealing with the Emotion of Frustration

Plan out something new or different...

When you don't get the results that you anticipated from your efforts, maybe, just maybe, you have overlooked a few things that you should have done. Go through your list and see what works and what needs deletion.

What you can do now is prepare and plan out a new strategy. Do something else and different from your original plan. The more new and different things that you do, the better are the chances of getting it right. The next thing that you attempt could provide the solution and the result that you desire.

There is always something that you can do to change or improve the results. It may take time but every little thing that you do each day will get you there. Brainstorm new ideas and go ahead and try them.

Gather more information to obtain better ideas. Emulate those who have achieved what you desire and use their experiences to help you through.



Visualize the end result and take control of your thoughts...

Visualize what you want to happen. Don't imagine what you don't want because anything that you experience in your life, you first create it in your mind. Keep focusing on that goal and repeat the visualization exercise as often as possible.

When you encounter roadblocks and barriers, it is difficult to stay motivated. But you can make the emotion of frustration trip shorter when you are able to take control of your thoughts. Accept and acknowledge that "shit happens." It is the ability to challenge your negative self talk that will help you improve how you feel. Change the words and pictures that you describe and interpret things and your feeling will change. If you can't discipline your mind to form new thoughts and pictures, try the powerful words and images tool called MindMaster. It is a tool to help you reach whatever your goals are, easier and faster. Get the free trial.


Acceptance


One of the reasons you get frustrated at work or in your relationships with others is because you want things and people to conform to your needs. It's wasting your effort.

Everyone has his own motives and desires. You cannot make someone change his mind unless he wants to. Of course you can appeal, bribe or threaten. But this method produces a result that is short-lived.

Accept people for what they are. Better yourself instead. Learn to communicate and interact effectively.

If you are upset with your working or living condition, you can either accept and make the best of what you have or better still change, either yourself or the situation.


What if your needs are not met...

If you were a kid, there is a reason for you to have your needs unmet and causes the emotion of frustration. Kids don't have much option. They rely and depend on their parents.

But you are not. You are an adult, a mature and capable oneIf you are dissatisfied with your life experiences, it's partly your fault. You have not done enough or done what you should. You have not communicated your needs clearly. You may not have been honest with yourself or the other person. Or worst, you don't know what you really want and because of that, allowed things to just happen.Happiness is a choice and you are responsible for your own. Do things to meet your own needs. People around you will reciprocate to your enthusiasm.


Trust and have faith...

Trust that there is a solution to what is causing you the emotion of frustration. The result that you are getting now may seem not worth mentioning. Have faith that by putting in more or different concentrated efforts, you are allowing the invincible power to give you what you are expecting. Strengthen your mind and spirit...through the tough times and think only about the next tiny step you can take to make a difference. Take time to reflect each day, listen to your hunches and promptings and trust your intuition. They can lead you to the right direction and give you the answers that you need.


Release and let go of emotional block...

An event or incident that happened in your past is stored inside you and is contributing the your present state. Unless you release this memory, you will feel frustrated every time something that look or feel similar occur. Just let go !

5 THINGS A MAN NEEDS TO DO IN A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP





What kind of man does a woman really want?

Here are five of the lessons I learned on my journey for wisdom on what a man in a relationship should be:


Lesson #1: Take responsibility

Learn from Adam. Don't do things you know are wrong and then blame others. If you make a mistake, take responsibility for your actions. One of the meanings of the word "husband" is someone who skillfully manages his household. A manager takes responsibility. As Adam experienced, there is little sympathy for a man who blames a woman for something that has gone wrong. He's often still held responsible. People will ask him, "Why did you let it go on?" A man has to look at himself and see how he can change his own actions to properly handle similar situations.


Lesson #2: Show leadership

If a man wants to be seen as worthy and have a good relationship with a woman, he has to show leadership. When he sees a situation that needs to be dealt with, he should step forward and handle it. People admire those who step forward to handle difficult situations. We don't admire those who stand back and wait for others to solve the problem.

Some men avoid taking the lead because they don't want to be criticized. They think they're playing it safe. A man should say, "I'll handle it," and take the initiative to find solutions. If he's not sure what the solution is, do what other leaders do -- consult the many sources of information available.


Lesson #3: Make decisions

One of the meanings of the word "manly" is being decisive. A man needs to make decisions and take responsibility for the outcome. If he's reluctant to make decisions, she may resent him. Part of making decisions is understanding the other person's views and being flexible. She doesn't want someone controlling her, but she also doesn't want someone who leaves every decision to her. A man who is afraid of making a wrong decision should ask himself: Who should make decisions? -- someone who isn't afraid of making mistakes.


Lesson #4: Be strong

The Talmud asks: Who is strong? He who can control his passions (Ethics of the Fathers, 4:1). Someone who can control his anger is better than a physically strong man who can conquer a city. Blowing up in anger can seriously damage a relationship. If a man thinks he can't control his anger, he should imagine being angry at someone, the telephone rings and it's his boss. Would he calm down? Of course, or he'd lose his job. Not getting angry doesn't mean he accepts bad treatment; he calmly sets limits on the treatment he accepts from others.


Lesson #5: Be manly

Being manly is not being macho. Manliness is the positive qualities of decisiveness, strength in one's convictions, confidence, self-reliance, high moral qualities, self discipline, honesty and integrity. A man who is manly has courage to be able to deal with difficulty, pain or danger without backing away despite his fear.

To women: ask your husband to read this. To men: ask your wife if this is what she wants. You may be surprised at her response.

7 Things to Consider Before You Get Married






You want a rewarding and fulfilling marriage? You can have one, but you need a dose of reality first. Here are things you need to say “I do” to before walking down the aisle…

1. Have a sense of Humour
A sense of humor is vital, and the first person you have to laugh at is yourself. Consider this- men and women have to hook up on some level to propagate the species, proving God has a sense of humor. He obviously assumed we would too.


2. Do you know you’ll have to work? Hard?
I solicited the opinion of dozens of women for this topic, and the feedback was unanimous. You have to be willing to work. Some women think if you’re a perfect match, your marriage shouldn’t be work. Those people are called divorcees. It’s true your marriage shouldn’t be work every hour of every day, but there will be days when your marriage will require extra energy (a term I prefer over “work”). Like Grandpa used to say, anything worth having is worth working for. Welcome to Marriage 101.


3. Do you realize marriage is not 50/50?
Gotcha! You figure you’ll give half, he’ll give half and you’ll meet somewhere in the middle. You poor, poor dear. The reality is, there will be some days you’ll give 90% and you may or may not get 10% back. There may be weeks or months that pass with the scales out of whack. Remember- you committed your whole life to him, and in your lifetime the scales will shift back in your favor. Interestingly, the scales will align faster if you abandon the scorecard and self-pity.


4. Do you have a general acceptance of your significant other’s shortcomings?
Does he leave the toilet seat up? Get over it. Are his table manners a fright? Look the other way. Is he a tight-wad? You better be at one with strict budgets. Try seeing your new hubby’s annoying habits as endearing. In addition to his positive traits, his quirks make him who he is. Figure out a way to truly accept the whole package- the good, the bad and the ugly.


5. Do you have expectations of your marriage or soon-to-be-spouse?
If you said “I do” to this one, start goggling divorce attorneys now. Fundamental expectations like being treated well, being faithful, or being honest are covered by your wedding vows. If you want a long lasting marriage, let go of any romance novel or Lifetime movie expectations you have. The men in Hollywood are actors. Real men, generally speaking, are not geared for romance and eloquent, loving speeches. With this attitude, you’ll better enjoy the thoughtful little things your new husband does. Lowered expectations and happily ever after go hand in hand.


6. Do you know comparisons are a death sentence for marriages?
Like fingerprints, marriages are unique and specific to the two individuals involved and the one-of-a-kind bond they create. Instead of scowling at your husband when your friend brags about the romantic vacation her husband took her on, just smile. Maybe your friend left out how her husband ogled other women on the beach or said something at dinner that made her cry. You never know what goes on behind closed doors- be secure in what you and your husband share and the knowledge that it works for you.


7. Do you know your fiancé is bilingual?
Read a couple books about how men communicate or have a sit-down with your aunts and grandma. We think we grasp the Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus concept, but we don’t. He may not say “I love you” 14 times a day, but he might fill your car when it’s out of gas, maybe he’ll cover you with a blanket when you’re cold, he may bring you a glass of wine when you’re in the tub, or he might listen to stories about the kids when he just wants to crawl in a hole and go to sleep. You have to learn to read, understand and appreciate man-speak.

In order for a marriage to be successful, reality can’t be sugar-coated. Long term commitments are not for the faint of heart. A lasting union takes a great deal of love, patience, true grit and guts. The benefits are countless. I’ll leave you to discover those on your own.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Understanding Jealousy



Is Jealousy a Wasted Emotion or a Healthy Response?

The Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary defines jealousy as, “intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness, disposed to suspect rivalry or unfaithfulness.” It sounds simple but jealousy is a very complex emotion.

Understanding Jealousy

Jealousy is a reactionary emotion so by its very nature it has a reason. Jealousy is a very natural and normal emotional response to a perceived threat. Getting jealous is not necessarily bad. Problems arise when your jealousy gets unmanageable and your behaviors get out of control.

3 KINDS OF JEALOUSY:

Irrational Jealousy:

This is a type of jealousy brought on by imagined or misperceived events. Irrational jealousy is never healthy. It is based on paranoia and insecurity not in reality. People suffering from an irrational jealousy rely heavily on their feelings that something is wrong even though there are no real signs that these feelings have merit.

Without reliable external validation of their jealousy irrationally jealous individuals often sink in to a depression based on paranoia. They are convinced that they are right to be jealous even when the evidence does not support their beliefs. It is very difficult to show them the truth.

Irrational jealousy is best treated by therapy. If you find yourself feeling jealous often and can’t calm yourself with rationalization consider seeking professional help.


Destructive Jealousy:

Destructive jealousy is based in reality. The emotional threat that is provoking the jealousy is real and can be backed up with external evidence. The reasons for the jealousy are valid. The way this jealousy plays out is the problem.

When feeling a destructive jealousy people usually lash out at the person or people who have caused them harm. It is an angry jealousy that is based in revenge. It is not an effective protection mechanism because the focus is on hurting back not reaching a solution.

The best way to manage a destructive jealousy is by getting counseling. In counseling you will be able to talk through the situation with an impartial third party. You will get to vent in a safe environment. In counseling you will likely learn anger management techniques to help you control your need for revenge.


Proactive Jealousy:

Proactive jealousy is a jealousy that is based on a real threat to ones emotional security. The purpose of any jealousy is to avoid being hurt or to lessen hurt that has already happened but sometimes jealousy makes people do crazy things. A proactive jealousy rarely manifests as violence or self harm. While anger is a part of this type of jealousy it never takes control of actions.

This type of jealousy works as a protection mechanism. The jealous feelings lead to productive actions, like ending a bad relationship or getting out of an unhealthy friendship. The primary concern of this type of jealousy is self preservation not revenge or retribution.



Controlling Jealousy

Jealousy is a form of anger brought on by a fear of loss. Controlling jealousy is very much like controlling anger. When you feel yourself growing jealous the first thing you must do is calm down. Take some deep breaths, try to relax and then take an honest look at the situation.

Never allow yourself to go off in a jealous rage, it takes away from any validity to your feelings and makes it very easy for others to dismiss you. Approach the situation in a calm but stern fashion. State your point of view without throwing around accusations and keep the emphasis on how what is happening makes you feel.

Avoid pointing the finger or calling out others on their behaviors. Own the jealousy for what it is, your reaction, and try to reach a real solution rather than just vent your hurt feelings. A little venting is healthy but try to keep the focus on the real problem.

Learn From Jealousy

Listen to what the other people have to say about the situation that has provoked a jealous response from you. Their perspective may be very different from yours and it is possible that you don’t have the full story about what is going on. There are many innocent situations that can be misinterpreted as something sinister. Make sure you know as much as possible before getting jealous.

Jealousy exists to protect you from harm, not to control the behavior of others. It is an emotion that can get out of control if you let it. Your can never control another person but you can help yourself when that person is hurting you. Healthy jealousy can help you identify and deal with some of life’s more unpleasant lessons.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

7 Ways to Building Trust in a Relationship










1. Be predictable. Forget the magazines and TV shows that say you must stir up the pot. It’s nonsense. Being consistent and reliable goes much, much further than that in terms of trusting your partner.


2. Your words must match what you do. In so many words, you need to show sincerity with your words. They say verbal cues are a very small part of total communication and that is so true. I call it “passive aggressive” when you are unhappy but show a happy face. But I think you know what I mean here.

3. You have to trust your partner’s instinct. I mean come on here! How can you expect anybody for that matter, to trust you if you don’t trust them? Trusting is a two way street.


4. Don’t lie by omission. Don’t keep secrets from your partner. Because once your partner finds out about something you are keeping a secret (and believe me they will), you better believe they won’t be able to trust you anymore. And why keep secrets from your partner? You have to keep track of the lies to build bigger lies to bury the previous lies. And it goes on and on. It is way too much work. In my opinion, it is a total energy waster that can be easily made to go away by telling the truth.

5. Don’t expect your Partner to know what you need.Your partner isn’t a mind reader. It is OK to be literal here. And don’t worry, you won’t seem selfish here because your partner knows that relationships is give and go. Being reluctant to communicate your needs to your partner will just worry them needlessly. So tell your partner what you want !


6. Be willing to say “No.” if need be. Suppose your partner communicates a needs that you don’t want to give, it is OK to say no. On the other hand, it is OK for your partner to ask. But think about it this way, your partner will respect you more if you don’t say yes to everything. Being a separate person helps build trust in a relationship.


7. A relationship is a living and breathing thing. It takes work for it to be a handsome tree rather than a sickly bush. Don’t be afraid to deal with crisis, emotions and questions from your relationship. You should embrace it and look for solutions that will bring you closer. Continue to grow your relationship!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Six Steps on How to Become More Influential





Success requires influence. To achieve your goals, you need to get people to think, feel and act differently. And you are not alone. Everyone else is hoping to be influential too, so you have to be more influential than your competitors to win. When you are highly influential, you set the course and others will help you along the way - they will help you to become successful. Without influence you are likely to be an also ran, the runner up or more likely - you will come last!


1. Assess Your Skills. Give yourself a score out of 10 for each of the seven dimensions of influencing skill - 10 being perfect. The dimensions are Self Awareness; Understanding Others; Understanding Groups; Influencing Others; Influencing Groups; Networking and Building Trust.

2. Prioritise One Dimension. Which of these, if improved, would give you the biggest gain? They are all important but some are more important depending on your situation. Now figure out three actions you can take to become better in this area.

3. Focus Your Personal Power. This is what makes you influential without even acting. These are the assets you own (either tangible or intangible) which cause people to do, think or feel differently. Which of the ten sources of personal power could you build on? The ten are Network; Intrapersonal; Interpersonal; Force; Technical; Image; Impact; Status; Resource and Physical. Identify one area and find three actions you can take.

4. Consider Your Style. The manner or behaviour you use when you try to influence can make or break your attempt. Different people have different styles and you can flex your style to suit. So review the type of behaviour you prefer, how this differs from those you want to influence and find ways to become more flexible. Identify one person to adopt a different style with.

5. Get Feedback. With all of these steps it really helps if you can use some trusted friends as a sounding board. How do they see you? What do they think you could improve on? No point in continuing to delude yourself - so get real and find out what they think so you can start to improve. Talk to one person within the next week.

6. Focus on Goals. This is the key - make sure that you apply all of the above on a specific goal you want to influence. This helps you to implement your learning and move forward your success. Define two goals for today.

These steps cover all of the main areas you need to focus on to become more influential. If you use these to find things to do to improve, you will always be moving forward.




WHAT IT TAKES TO BE INFLUENTIAL...


Becoming more influential requires hard work, energy and commitment. No surprise there! However it is easier than you may think. Often it just requires a little clear thinking, and refocusing your development time.

Amazing Message Required

If you want people to listen to you and spread your message, you have to tell them an amazing story. Average just won’t do. In most aspects of life, 85% effort will get you close enough, but not when you’re trying to change the world. You need to tell a sensational story that people are eager to listen to and you have to live that story, not just talk about it.

That’s why Everett Bogue lives with less than 100 things. This is why Adam Baker traveled the world with his wife and toddler. Johnny B. Truant calls this storyselling; you have to sell every idea you have.

Don’t just tell it, live it. You can use all the strategies that make up the rest of the Guerrilla Influence Formula, but if you don’t do this part first, you won’t get anywhere.


Be clear and consistent.

Create a compelling elevator pitch that quickly describes what you’re all about and tell it over and over again. Make people want to ask you more about it. Work your pitch into every aspect of what you do online and offline.

Always show complete confidence in yourself even when you’re just getting started. People must know that you believe in yourself before they’ll believe in you.


Speak to your audience, not yourself.

Every time you say something, think very hard about why you’re saying it. Make sure that the message you send will help the people you’re talking to, not just yourself.

This seems simple, but it’s all too easy to forget. What if I had just announced my product today and didn’t offer anything else? Would you have found that useful? Would you still be reading?


Pay attention to your reputation.

Branding is not just for big businesses, it’s for you, too. Whether or not you’re trying to, you’re building a brand with each thing that you do, everything you say, how you look, and who you hang out with. This is what forms your reputation.

Since you’re going to establish a brand whether you want to or not, you might as well put some thought into it.


Hold passion & authenticity as guiding principles.

These two qualities go hand in hand, and displaying them is the best chance you have at getting people to pay attention to what you care about. They’re also extremely vague and hard to nail down.

Finding your passion does not mean finding what inspires you every single day. For me, no such thing exists. No matter how excited I am about something, I know I’ll eventually get temporarily bored. Finding your passion means finding the things that will motivate you to keep digging after you reach that boredom. It’s looking at something and saying, “even when I go through a dip and feel like quitting, I’ll still be committed to keep going.”

Being authentic means looking at yourself as a whole and asking if what you’re about to do makes sense. If it doesn’t, you can be sure it doesn’t make sense to anyone else either.

Focusing constantly on these two things and finding where they intersect is the most important factor there is to creating something people will care about.


Be insanely useful and tell a story.

You can create the most useful “how-to…” instructions in the world, but if you can’t insert them into a story that people can visualize and relate to, you’ll bore them and they’ll leave. If you only tell stories and don’t relate them to a lesson that people can apply to their lives, you don’t really have a message.

Put those two together, though, and you have something that will engage and help people. That’s what draws a crowd.


It’s okay to be persuasive.

If you want to change something, you need an agenda. If you want that agenda to be successful, you need to sell it. There’s a common sentiment that people don’t like to be sold to or persuaded. It’s not true. They don’t like to be pushed.

People love to be persuaded as long as it fits with their own worldview. When your view conflicts with someone else’s, that’s when there are problems. By focusing your message and being persuasive, you’ll grab the attention of the right people and others will simply move on.


Be uniquely you.

Make people value your message by showing them that you’re the only person they can get it from. Focus on your message (even when it gets hard), be authentic, and talk to people like you’re having a conversation, not reading a text book.

Be a contrarian and shine a light on the things that everyone agrees on but aren’t actually founded.

When you hold uniqueness as a virtue, you can’t be copied (at least not successfully), and people will always come to you to get “the original.”


Take a stand.

Avoid false dichotomies, but don’t be afraid to draw a line in the sand. When you truly believe in something, don’t be wishy washy – say what you think.

Yes, you’ll turn some people away, but you’ll fiercely attract people that agree with you.


Make people want to share your message.

No, you can’t make a difference by yourself, but everyone that you recruit can help you. If you want to succeed, you have to make people want to spread the word and just asking them to won’t work. If you focus on all the tips above, you should be a long way down this road already.

Solve real problems for real people, make it extremely relatable to everyday life, and nudge people to share it by making it their idea instead of yours.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

How to Relax and Enjoy your Weekend




1
. Eat a nice hot breakfast such as frozen waffles, pop tarts, pancakes, you name it
!
Along with that, a cup of hot tea or coffee is recommended. Also, orange juice is a great morning drink, because it will give you all the energy you need for the day of relaxation!


2. Take a long, hot shower or bath to get you up and awake, then either get in a clean pair of pajamas or a comfortable outfit such as sweatpants and a sweatshirt.


3. Get on the computer, watch your favorite show, listen to music, etc.


4. Eat again then relax and do whatever suits your interests. Some interesting ideas are to meditate, read, do your hair, dress up for fun, whatever your heart desires!

5. If you're home alone, then let loose and be yourself completely. Do something silly or stupid, scream, release all the week's stress in some just plain dumb ways. You'll feel much better.


6. If it's raining outside and your parents or whoever agrees, go walk in the rain; or if you dare, dance in the rain! Just have fun.


7. Get something to look forward to. Think about that long assembly that gets you out of school on Monday or your favorite movie being aired on TV.

Tips:

  • To have fun, you can do anything! If you truly can't think of anything, you can always call an old friend.
  • Another great idea to release the week's stress is to write down your thoughts & feelings.
  • Resist the urge to check on work, call the office or check office emails. Unless you are required.
  • Turn off your cell phone.
  • Don't spend time around friends from work since work will almost always come up.
  • Plan a few things to do. You'll feel like you got the most out of your weekend. Take a tour, read a book, visit friends or family, do something constructive yet rewarding.
  • Try not to get yourself into trouble! If you want to have a nice relaxing weekend then that won't be very good.

Warnings !:

  • If you are required to work, this article is not encouraging you to skip work. If you need to, wait until a weekend you have off.
  • Seriously, try not to get into trouble.
  • If you have kids then this could become a big problem when trying to relax. Get a babysitter.
  • Don't get overly stressed. This is the weekend, after all.
  • Do not get too bored.

Have a blissful weekend...

Friday, October 14, 2011

5 Ways to Plan Your Time




Its hard to plan out your time when you are a freelancer or small business owner. Everything is your responsibility, and its constantly demanding your attention. Especially in a business like web development where you may be handling projects and tasks on a rotating basis, it can be very difficult to get into a regiment of tasks that help maintain a sense of normalcy from week to week. Here are five tips to help you better plan your time before you spend it.

1. Keep a calendar

One of the most under appreciated things I received in high school was a daily calendar from my school. At the time I didn't think it was important, but it was used as your hall pass so everybody brought them with them. I actually used it, and I wrote down the day's homework. Today, I have a different method, but with similar purpose. I have a plain calendar printed from the computer that I use to schedule my time. I project at least 3 days in advance, and have items written in far in advance, such as due dates and goals. The most important aspect is that I block out a certain number of hours that I plan to dedicate to a specific project, and I stick to my limits.

2. Use a time tracker

Nothing helps you realize you are wasting time like a clock staring at you, wasting away the hours. I actually find it a bit intimidating, so I have a program that runs in the toolbar out of my constant sight, but within easy reach. Keep track of your time. You can use a program that calculates it for you, use a spreadsheet and log the hours after each task, or use pen and paper to keep track. Whatever works for you, do it for everything. I even keep track of time that I spend doing things I cannot bill for, such as emailing and twitter time.

3. Spend time planning

I usually spend half an hour each Sunday/Monday to plan the week. I don't waste a lot of time doing it, but using my calendar I find it is very helpful to have a general plan of action. 30 minutes of planning probably saves me 3 hours of wasted time a week, and that is a net profit of time. It also helps you to anchor your week by starting with a short period of reflection. Its amazing how easy it is to lose track of what is most important, and this time also great for prioritizing your tasks.

4. Plan for flexibility

I plan to work 8 hours a day, but I block out only 6 hours with specific tasks and some days even less. That is because I don't always know if a task will take me 2 hours or 3 hours, but in reality it might take 4. Planning flexibility is the key, and not planning all of your time will help to keep you from getting overwhelmed and stressed.

5. Get into regular habits

The key of everything here is to have a regular routine. I spend a lot of time on new projects, so I have to find ways to regulate how I deal with new projects as well as projects that are in progress. I have to stop myself when its time to quit, and spend time planning. A routine will make you better able to predict your work load, plan into the future, and help you when you are ready for a vacation.

Following these five simple tricks to improving your time management will help you to take control of your time. May you do more, in less time!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

A-Z singing advice....


You don't have to learn it all in one day!. for those who love to sing...



A = ARTICULATE. Using your articulators (lips, teeth, tip of the tongue) more specifically to create your words will help you sing better and more easily. So many of us swallow our articulation (meaning farther back in our mouth) and that habit gets in the way of resonance, tone placement and other important singing mechanics. To improve your skill, quickly say the articulator tongue twister five times in a row: “lips, teeth, tip of the tongue. Lips, teeth, etc.” Be sure to really concentrate on exaggerating the movements with the articulators. See where all the action is? That is where you feel the action of articulation when you sing. Keep in mind that you will probably feel like you are moving them in a ridiculous fashion if you are not used to using them actively. Check a mirror, you’ll probably be surprised.

B = BUILD YOUR SONG PERFORMANCE. Think about how a well-constructed roller coaster builds in intensity and suspense throughout the ride. Your song should have the same sort of ups and downs. For the best results, plan the dynamics (volume and intensity) of your singing. Don’t just sing as powerfully as you can from the get go. Figure out the emotional and natural build of the music and sing accordingly. As an example using a basic song form, you would do your initial build from Verse 1 through Chorus 1, bring them back a bit for Verse 2 only to get a slightly bigger build (than the peak of Chorus 1) on Chorus 2 before exploding into the bridge. Remember, singing is as much an art form as a skill.

C = COPE WITH UNEXPECTED SINGING EVENTS and challenges the smart way. Figure out which part of your vocal instrument is out of balance and make an instant adjustment. If you are not sure what actually makes up your “vocal instrument” you would definitely benefit from learning vocal mechanics.

D = DARE TO TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT. So many singers practice the same song, the same way, over and over and over again. If it didn’t work the first twenty times, why is it going to work the twenty-first? Try altering different aspects of your singing and attempt to find an easier way to accomplish your best sound. For example, increase/decrease articulation, increase/decrease the amount of airflow, increase/decrease diaphragm support, alter tone placement, alter resonance…get the picture?

E = ENERGY NOT EFFORT. This is one of the most confusing concepts in singing. Energy in the tone is what we want and Effort is something we want to desperately to avoid. Energy is created naturally when our vocal instrument is in balance and our body is involved in the singing process. It feels good. It feels easy. Sometimes it occurs naturally and other times we may have to make adjustments. Effort usually occurs when singers use their throat muscles/membranes and vocal cords improperly to create volume. We should actually feel and see very little happening in our throat area.

F = FEATHERS. When learning to sing your full range and accomplish the desired one voice (same power with similar tone throughout the whole range) singers often experience cracks and breaks. One way to test this is to practice a siren. Slide on the syllable “he” from the bottom of your range to the top. If you do not experience cracks or breaks, try it on all syllables at all volumes. When you find yourself faced with this challenge, it is the common response to “try harder” or “give more effort” on those notes. This is not the way to solve this issue. What you want to do is to lighten up just a bit on these notes, let them float like a feather instead of trying harder and stomping on them. Understand that most often this is caused because muscles and membranes not having the memory they need to make the transition you require, as quickly as you want it made. Repetition will give them memory, so keep practicing. Lighten up just a bit on those notes and sing through the break. Don’t develop the habit of stopping when you “crack” or it will come back to bite you later.

G = GET OVER IT and GO FOR IT. So many talented young singers come into my studio with a good voice and with work, really shine on their vocal skills…but when it comes to performance they suffer the “I’m afraid I’ll look stupid” syndrome. Why do we do that? We see music videos and concerts every day when artists give us their all, and yet we feel less stupid singing like a statue than we do really going for it? Makes no sense, but this is not a random occurrence. And unfortunately, when you don’t really “perform” the song, you will never be able to give your absolute best performance. Why? Performance involves some sort of emotional connection with the song, when you put the emotion on your face and in your body, you will sing completely differently than the statue, no matter how knowledgeable.

H = HUMMING. Humming should be easy and sound alive. If you cannot hum well, you are not singing up to your potential. Humming is a good way to determine which part of your vocal instrument is not warmed up or pulling its weight. When you hum you should be able to feel the resonant vibration on the front of your face.

I = INCREASE YOUR AIR SPEED for high notes and decrease your air speed for lower notes. Each frequency requires a specific air speed to create the absolute best tone. Many singers push too much air, too quickly, while singing low notes in an attempt to make the note louder. All this does is add stress and tension to the tone. Use your ears to tell you when the proper balance is reached. The tone should sound clear and pure before adding stylistic nuances.

J = JAW TENSION. Most people don’t realize how tense their jaw is…because it feels perfectly natural to them. Be sure to stretch out your face and jaw muscles and even make a specific point to monitor your jaw when singing to be sure it truly is relaxed. If your jaw is tense, you will not receive your best tone and perhaps even have trouble hitting some of the higher tones.

K = KEEP IT CLEAN. When practicing your vocal skills focus on creating a pure and clear tone first, free of airiness, rasp and other tonal changes added for stylistic purposes. If you cannot create a clear tone full of life and energy, you are not singing up to your potential.

L = LIFT YOUR DIAPHRAGM. So many singers learn to “belly breath” (breathe into the belly) and therefore tend to think that lifting their diaphragm feels similar to holding in their stomach. You can sing like this, but you are only using half your resources and not making full use of the power provided by the muscles in the back. To get your best breath for singing, you want to fill up your abdomen like an inner tube, you should feel expansion all the way around your body…yes, even in your back. Then to compress the air and support the vocal tone release, you lift the diaphragm muscle straight up from the center of your body. If you are used to the other way, it takes some practice to get the new diaphragm muscle memory, but well worth the effort!

M = MONEY NOTES MATTER. Let’s face it. If you are singing a song with a big money note, let’s be real. You can knock the rest of the song out of the park, but if you miss the money note that’s all your audience will remember. A lot of times singers miss money notes because they are worried about it and if you even think for a moment that it “might not happen” you just increased your odds of it not happening by a great deal. Usually it is only one or two notes of a phrase that reach that “money” potential. When you focus specifically on the note, you compartmentalize it and tell your subconscious to watch out for it. Instead, in practice try concentrating on the phrase. Figure out how to use the phrase to your advantage. Sometimes changing your placement on the note(s) just before your money note can make a huge difference. And of course, during performance…see yourself hitting that note like a pro. If you can see it and you believe it, you’ll hit it almost every time.

A money note is a music industry slang term which refers to a part of a live or recorded singing performance which is subjectively judged to be very dramatic or emotionally stirring. Created from a confluence of composition or improvisational and performance quality, this is usually at a climactic point of a song or aria, in which the singer's melody makes a large interval jump to the song's highest note (especially for female soprano singers or male tenor or countertenor singers) or falls to its lowest note (especially for male bass or baritone singers). In some cases, a section or phrase of a vocal melody may captivate the listener's interest because of the tone quality of the singing-either because of the strident emotionalism, or due to the quiet sensitivity of the voice. As well, a "money note" might be an impressive vocal display or a note which is held for a long time with clear pitch and expressive vibrato.

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N = NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT. The perception of the audience is the reality. Say that out loud, “the perception of the audience is the reality.” What they think is true, is true. So if you sing with confidence and handle that “creative” phrase you accidentally added like a professional, most of your audience will be convinced that you meant to sing it that way. Professionals sing creative nuances, amateurs make mistakes.

O = ONE VOICE. If you have been around organized singing groups or perhaps even studied training you have probably heard these terms: chest voice, middle voice, head voice and belt voice. Some singers have even had the misfortune of studying under these kinds of principles…unfortunately that usually means they can’t sing very many songs and still sound like one person. When they go up for that higher note in the phrase they end up switching to some hooty, covered, “head voice” sound. We won’t go into the foundation of these terms here, but know that your goal as a singer is to manage the balance of resonance in all cavities so you can sing from low to high with a consistent tone.

P = PLACEMENT OF YOUR TONE refers to where the tone is centered. Mastering tone placement will make your singing incredibly easy and consistent. Some people are born with the skill of good tone placement and others have to really work at it. To get technical, there is both a horizontal and vertical placement. For example: horizontal placement, the tone can be centered at the front of your mouth, the middle or the back (back never preferred). For example: vertical placement, draw a line from the middle of your chin to the top middle of your head. The higher the note, the higher the placement.

Q = QUIT SINGING THROUGH YOUR NOSE. Nasal tone qualities occur when there is too much resonance in your nasal cavity and not enough sympathetic resonance or overtones being created in other cavities. One quick fix is to simply open your mouth taller.

R = RESONANCE. Resonance is commonly defined as the “key to your signature voice.” As singers, we are far more interested on how we manipulate it that it’s textbook definition. Resonance is created by the sound wave/frequency you are creating is shaped and amplified by dancing in a resonating cavity (chest, mouth, nasal, sinus). The resonating cavity we have the most control over is the size and shape of our mouth. So play around with the size and shape of the mouth to hear changes in your resonance. With regard to mouth shape, taller is preferred over wider.

S = SING THE STORY. Singing is acting through song. Why sing the song and not convey the message? Get emotionally involved with the lyrics. Figure out what would make you spontaneously speak the words and sing them conviction.

T = THINK SING. The most efficient way to learn a song is actually to NOT sing it right away. By listening to a song you can learn what you are supposed to do a lot faster, without creating any bad habits you are only going to have to break later. If you can think sing a song from beginning to end, anticipating every breath and melody nuance, then you are ready to sing. It’s like a playbook for football. Study the play first before jumping in the game. Not successfully “think singing” the song before you actually sing it is like a ball player running around the field with no idea of the play.

U = UNIFY YOUR VOWELS. You know how you can sing one word on a specific note easily, but another word seems much harder? You could probably use some practice and training on unifying your vowels. The ability to unify your vowels and make them sound as if they come from one instrument, having about the same high and low frequencies and blended with no cracks or breaks is one skill that separates the accomplished singer from an amateur.

V = VOLUME AND POWER. Volume and power should be gained by using the muscles in the back and abdomen. If you are losing your voice after 4-6 songs or if you hear a lot of “effort” in your tone (it doesn’t float in a pure fashion), then you are probably using your throat.

W = WISHING. Wishing your voice was pro quality won’t get it there. You’d be surprised what one hour of specific vocal practice five days a week can do. Sorry, this doesn’t usually apply to singing your favorite songs during commute time or singing the same song over and over again in your bedroom. While you may make some improvement this way, making a productive practice vocal plan would be much more efficient and of course, help you make much faster progress.

X = (E)XERCISE YOUR VOICE REGULARLY. So many singers shy away from actually doing exercises, claiming they can train and warm up by singing their favorite songs. While some professionals will do this in a pinch, most of them train using exercises and warm up their voice prior to performance the same way. Pros know that warm ups will take you through muscle movements that a song never could. Not only will warm ups tell you where you voice is “not awake”, but using them during training can help you develop necessary muscle memory for difficult passages you encounter later. Today it is easy to accomplish these tasks as there are many vocal exercise CDs available and even karaoke style vocal warm ups now available at http://VocalWarmups.com. Here is another quick tip…when you go to sing your song, you should be singing it like you sing the vocal exercises. Most of us will exercise with good placement, support, resonance, etc., but when we add words and our favorite melody all that goes out the window. Work at being consistent. If we were a football quarterback, would we practice throwing the ball one way and then throw it completely differently during a game? I don’t think so.

Y = YOUR STYLE. So many students avoid improving certain mechanical skills because they claim that it is their style. While it is true that certain things a singer does, shape of their mouth, how they pronounce words, etc., contributes to their signature voice… improving how you create your tone will only make your signature voice better. Don’t back away from understanding your voice; learn all you can about your instrument in order to create your best sound.

Z = ZEN. The show must go on! Sometimes we can’t help but let our emotions and personal life circumstances affect our performances. We are human, after all. However, with practice and meditation you can learn to clear you head and totally focus on connecting with your song and the appropriate emotions of your selection, instead of whatever else was distracting you. Your body language and expression communicate your focus…but it’s your eyes that communicate your thoughts most of all.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

How to Stick to Your Goals





I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” Jimmy Dean...

Have you ever been doing great with a goal or habit change — exercise, waking early, becoming organized, eating healthy, anything — and your progress was completely disrupted because of some major event in your life (death, marriage, illness, work, etc.)?

Of course you have. It’s happened to all of us.

Life gets in the way.

Fortunately, although we often give up our goals when something like this happens, a life event that disrupts your progress doesn’t have to sidetrack your goal completely. You can overcome this obstacle — and it is an obstacle, just like any other.


This is an awesome question, because it’s so true to life. Things happen to all of us … but the real determination is how do we deal with them. Do we get discouraged and give up, or do we figure out a way around and keep going?

Here’s the thing: the path to every goal is littered with obstacles. You must, must, must, absolutely must anticipate that you will run into obstacles … figure out ways around them … and keep going.


Here’s how to do that:


1. Anticipate, anticipate:Think ahead. What obstacles do you see on the horizon? What obstacles have you run into in the past? What will change your routine? Weekends are a mini-obstacle that often seem to derail people trying to create a habit. But there are other changes in routines … holidays, summer, big events, changes at work, birthdays … these are often things you can anticipate and plan for. When you see something coming up on the horizon that might derail you, plan for it. Make it a part of your plan.


2. Find the path:When you see an obstacle, are you just going to give up? I hope not. An obstacle is just something we have to get around, or over … it’s not a reason to quit. So instead of quitting, ask yourself: how do I get around this obstacle? There’s always a solution, if you’re creative enough.

Sometimes there isn’t just one path. And it can be hard to decide which solution to choose. But don’t fret: choose one path, and see if it works. If it doesn’t, try another. Life is an experiment.


3. Two steps forward, one step back: You will face some setbacks every now and then. That’s a part of achieving any goal worth achieving — if it were too easy, it’s not a worthy goal.

But instead of seeing the setback as something discouraging, just accept it as a part of the journey. “Two steps forward, one step back,” is what I always tell myself … and it’s a realization that even with setbacks, I’m still making forward progress over the long run.

For example, I’ve had some setbacks when it comes to my exercise habit. I often seem to get sick after a few weeks of continuous exercise. But though illness has set me back a few times, I’ve now learned to see it as a welcome break, allowing my body to recover. Think of it as a time out … you’re allowed to rest when you’re sick, and when you get better, you’ll be recharged and ready to start again.


4. If you fall, get up, and learn from it: All of us fail, from time to time. No one is successful all the time. But instead of letting failure stop us completely, you just need to get up and dust yourself off … and this part is important: learn from your experience. When you fail, ask yourself: why did I fail? What stopped me? What obstacles got in my way? And how can I get around them next time it happens (and yes, it will happen again). And plan for next time.


5. Find new motivation : Sometimes a setback will leave us not only derailed, but demotivated. So the real problem is finding the motivation to start again. So, it helps to get back to the basics: what made you want to start in the first place? What was your reason for change? What motivated you? Thinking about that, and the benefits it will have in your life, and the way things will be once you’ve accomplished the goal, can help motivate you.

But I also recommend adding additional motivators, to help jump start you. Read this article about motivation, and these articles for more.


6. Go with the flow : Change is good. Change is a part of life. We might like our routines, but there will always be something that comes along to disrupt them. Accept that, embrace it, and learn to flow with it. If we become too rigid, we will break in the face of the pressures of life. But if we learn to accommodate those changes that life throws at us, and still head towards our goal, we’ll be happier and we’ll get to where we want to be.

Be willing to be flexible. Change comes at you … don’t despair, or get frustrated … take that change and make it a part of your plan.

Life will throw us curve balls. With practice, we can learn to hit them out of the park.

Tips for dealing with Teenaggers


  • Try to discuss issues/conflicts in a positive way, without loosing your temper. It is better to 'negotiate' with your teenager and to compromise and find a solution that you both accept, just like you would do when dealings with an adult.
  • Show him you understand how he feels and that you are there to help if needed.
  • Don't expect to agree with each other all the time. Try to understand her views and let her make her own choices where possible.
  • Try to choose a good time to talk things over, and say clearly what you want to happen in a particular situation. You may have to compromise on some things. Be a good listener.
  • Avoid "put downs"; never ridicule or make fun of your teenager.
  • Don't underestimate the depth of his feelings - be sensitive. It can help to use "I" messages rather than "You". For example "I feel .. when you are " rather than" you make me feel so .. when you do .". Be specific, they then know exactly why you feel the way you do.
  • Let your teenager know you value her in your family. They still need to hear that they are loved.
  • Teenagers are more likely to show respect for your views if you show them respect too. Try not to be too critical. As they become adults, children need lots of support, encouragement and praise to build up their confidence and self esteem.
  • Teach life skills eg how to organise a driver license, defensive driving, how to fill out application forms, attend interviews, budgeting, newspapers, electronic gadgets, use a bank account, timetables etc

10 Tips For Being The Best You Can Be




"The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished,
or the luster of it will never appear"

Daniel Defoe...


No matter how frustrated, troubled or dispirited on the surface, deep down everyone I have met is truly extraordinary. However hidden, the human spirit, the diamond is always there; in you, in me.

For many of us, these times are rough. Perhaps now we can come to know and appreciate more fully our capacity for endurance and the brightness of our human spirit. What is more, we can take the polishing more into our own hands.


Here are some tips you might like to consider:


1. Know what you want

Maybe you have a talent you have longed to express and develop. If not, you probably know how you would like to be experiencing your life - perhaps with more happiness, better communications with the ones you love, greater fulfilment in your work.

Knowing is deeper and stronger than wishful thinking or hoping. It is a conviction so solid that you can base your life on it.

"There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one's self."
Benjamin Franklin


2. Engage with your intention

Daily nurture your vision - see, feel, hear how you will be experiencing the fulfilment of your the life you want, both inwardly and in the world. Use your imagination.


3. Practice your passion - take action

If you have a talent, keep working with it. If you would like to be happier, do things that make you happy. Better communications? Be willing to learn, practise, improve - and make mistakes from time to time. Your intention will speak volumes. Fulfillment? Adjust your attitude.

"Nothing will work unless you do."
Maya Angelou


4. Raise your energy - turn up the heat

Love yourself and be grateful for all you have in your life, right now. Pay attention to your blessings. Look up. Learn to forgive and laugh at the mistakes you make along the way. Each day, feel the enthusiasm for your vision, as if it has already happened. Stay open for the remarkable to take place. It will.

"There are two ways to live your life - one is as though nothing is a miracle,
the other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein


5. Gather positive people around you

At the very least, spend time with people who are supportive and for you. Enrich yourself by getting to know others who are actively creating the best for themselves, and learn from them.

"If you have zest and enthusiasm you attract zest and enthusiasm.
Life does give back in kind."

Norman Vincent Peale


6. Get rid of what is unnecessary

Clear the clutter! Live lean with only that which you need around you. The feeling of freedom you gain will liberate you closer to what you really want.


7. Organize yourself for success

Find ways of dealing with life's necessities so that you are not distracted by them. Only agree to do what you will actually do. Learn to say no to what does not fit for you.

"If we did all the things we are capable of doing,
we would literally astound ourselves."

Thomas A Edison


8. Set no time limits

Learn to live in the present moment and respond to your intuitive guidance. There are times when to act; times when to hold. You will get to know which is which.

"We have time enough if we will but use it right."
Johann Wolfgang von Geothe


9. Believe in yourself - believe in your vision

Feeling doubtful? In these challenging times, young children may teach us something. As adults, we can also be persistent in going for what we value.

Consider the words of Imogen, walking with her father in the park, and Stephanie, her tv heroine:

So I'm in the park with my just-turned-three-year-old daughter when she asks:

Daddy, can I have an ice cream?
I don't think we have time. We've got to go soon.
There is always a way, Daddy.
What?
Stephanie says, there is always a way!
Who says?
STEPHANIE!


10. Treasure yourself

Do the things that show you care for yourself: eat foods that serve your body; drink plenty of water; get enough sleep; exercise regularly; make time and space for fun; stay focused on your vision and intention. Taking care of your health is a wise investment of your time and attention.

"The diamond you are, you wear within you. You can call on its beauty and power when you want to stand forward and dazzle."
Random Soul 7